Image Source: Deviant Art

Today was a tough day for me.

I took care of a young man in his late 20′s in the Recovery Room. He had a Venous Access Device placed in preparation for his extensive Intravenous (IV) therapy treatment.

This young man had a mass removed from his axilla recently that was found to be malignant. In just 3 short weeks he went from a young active man, planning his days working, spending time with his wife, and enjoying sports to devising a plan of attack to fight for his life against his newly diagnosed Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.

He was your typical 20-some man. He wanted to be tough. He tried to stay strong, but his emotions got the best of him a couple times while he was recovering from his anesthesia.

He was very talkative, very inquisitive.

“Do you know what that Bone Marrow Biopsy thing is?”

“Does it hurt?”

“Will I get medication?”

“The Doc said it was good that I was slim, easier for the biopsy?”

He called me ‘Doc’.

I politely told him I was his nurse. “Yeah, well you’re a guy. No offense really. I feel better talkin’ with you, since you’re a guy and-all. So I’m gonna call ya ‘Doc’ OK?”

“That would be fine”, I calmly replied as a mustered a stoic smile.

” I mean I played sports”

“I smoked, but just some cigars ya’ know”

“OK, maybe some other stuff, but not a whole lot. I really thought I’d get lung cancer. Not this other stuff”

“This Hodgkin’s stuff”

“One minute I’m worried about a lil lump under my arm.. and now here I am with cancer”

“That’s fucked up, ain’t it.”

He trailed off a lot and ended his sentences silently with “man..” .

I told him:

“There are no guarantees in life” “What I do know, is that this cancer is not your fault. Yes, lifestyle plays a part in the large scheme of things, but you didn’t get this because of something you did or did not do.”

“This is not your fault’

“Cancer’s not a death sentence anymore”

“I won’t lie, the biopsy will hurt. A LOT. The medication they’ll give you will numb up the site, but the instrument they use… it’s like a corkscrew wine-bottle-opener.. except in your bone.”

He appreciated my honesty.

I wanted to hug him, but I knew he wouldn’t allow that. I never felt so helpless before. Such a tough young guy, having the wind taken out of his sails. There was nothing I could.

Nothing I could do, but answer his questions as honestly and as genuine as possible.

I worked with Oncology patients before. I’ve had quite a bit of exposure to the tireless gauntlet of innumerable and immeasurable marathon-like treatment plans patients endure to fight that dreaded disease.

Some of the most amazing people I’ve had the pleasure of knowing were from that time of my life.

I was angrily reminded of how helpless a nurse can feel when involved with those treatment plans.

Helpless

Sometimes all I could do is just listen

Just listen

Are you listening?

Life is fleeting. Please cherish what you have, with whom you have it with.

Take care of yourselves and yours.

Carpe Diem