We spend the majority of our lives swimming in a sea of comparisons. It’s both a blessing and a curse. It keeps us from being complacent, but it also can drive us insane. We get caught up in the process instead of enjoying the results.
We compare our current selves to our former selves.
We compare ourselves to others.
We compare our results to others.
We compare our job to another job.
The list is endless and is a vicious circle that never ends.
Currently I’m comparing my physical abilities while injured to my abilities when I was injury-free. Which is an unfair comparison in every way. But when are these comparisons ever fair?
I decided to celebrate the small wins of my day today, instead of dwelling on what I couldn’t do. Besides, I’ve already talked complained about them ad nauseam.
My miracle minimums today:
I walked up and down my staircases railing-free. I could step up and down without leaning against the railing or wall.
I took the garbage out.
I didn’t have to wear compression gear all day to keep the swelling at bay. (I had been needing to keep my knee wrapped and compression socks on to keep my toes from swelling up like mini-sausages. )
I made lunch as well as pre-made some meals for the next couple days.
I’ll take it when and where I can get it.
On another positive note, I had a friend offer to drive me to/from any needed places while I’m rehabbing and on crutches. I also discovered my city offers Uber!
So I at least have options to get to my needed therapy. I plan on doing my own traditional physical therapy as well as utilize the pool at the YMCA for water therapy. I’m so ready.
I used to think, “Are you kidding… that would be heaven”. To not have to worry about getting up and going to work?!! Isn’t that what we all want?
I remember being jealous of friends and family who had reached retirement. “OH man! You are SO lucky” is what I would tell them.
Only for them to tell me later, how time off is not all it’s cracked up to be.
Well I’m starting to get it now.
I’m off on an extended leave. I’ve been home from vacation and I’ve been ready to go back to work, but my body had other plans. I seem to have peaks and valleys to my day. I feel great and my knee is almost able to straighten. I’m able to walk with almost no pain and I can go up and down steps with minimal limp.
Then there are other times where my knee paralyzes me. I sit up, pivot or stand a certain way and the pain is so severe it’s as if I stepped on a live wire or someone snuck up from behind me and “TAZED” me [don’t taze me bro..]
It’s frustrating when getting in the car to run some errands completely exhausts me with a ridiculous amount of pain.
Here’s the kick in the teeth…
I can’t drive myself anywhere because I can’t use my driving leg (injured my right knee). I’m unable to lock out my knee so driving would be beyond dangerous. So I’m depending on my wife to chauffeur me any and everywhere [WHICH SUCKS]. I cannot even describe how much that angers me. My poor wife is being put through the ringer.
So, today started out on a high note.. but then ended pretty low. Then I beat myself up for not being “up” [even after this post].
After I paused to enjoy the sunshine (see included pic) I remembered that my engine can’t be in 5th gear all the time, nor can my life. And ironically I could hear Lewis Howes voice in my head (sorry Lewis):
What I’m talking about today is the importance of living fully in whatever season of life you are currently in.
I learned from my football days that you can’t go all out all the time.
The School of Greatness Podcast was one of the first Podcasts I subscribed to when I dived into the world of Podcasting. I love the message he delivers and the way he delivers it. Go check out any and everything Lewis produces, you won’t be disappointed.
I’m like a caged animal. My norm is starting my day before sunrise.. and arriving home after dark. A full day of work, then coaching (or training). I still don’t sit well [it’s why I chose my current profession].
I’m ready to get better. My surgery is scheduled for next week, it can’t come quick enough. I knew this knee injury would challenge me physically, but never expected my emotions to be tested as much as they have.
In the meantime, I’m going to live fully during this season of my life.
Isn’t it amazing how quick we are to hand out advice, but when we need to follow our own words it’s like trying to swallow a basketball.
I pride myself on being positive. I share daily positive quotes, attack life with moxie as well as mentor and coach others on finding the silver lining in their darkest of days.
I mean, in 2001 I was a heart beat away from dying after being attacked and having my neck sliced with a knife (true story). So I know how lucky I am.
Yet, I’ve been dragging my bottom lip all over the floor of my house ever since I returned from my vacation in Cancun, Mexico. I’ve been so deep in the dumps that this stupid knee injury has overshadowed the beautiful weather and great time I had with my family.
Not gonna lie.. being ‘laid up’ w/ an injured knee.. def down in the dumps. Need to perk the fuck up. Done feelin’ sorry for myself.
All I’ve been thinking about is the shoulda, woulda, coulda’s.
Well, it’s my turn to stiffen my lip, stop wallowing in my self-inflicted, self-absorbed self-pity and stop feeling sorry for myself.
Time to MTFU and start practicing what I preach.
I’m injured, not dead. Time to conquer this obstacle just like all the others. Time to prove to myself that I really am this positive all the time. I know I’ve been frustrated with the medical management hoop-jumping, but in reality I was seen, evaluated and diagnosed in lightening fashion.
I guess I’m human….. with this whole pity party (don’t let that get out).
Time to own my feelings, and start working towards recovery.