Yesterday I received some disheartening news. Positive self-talk only gets you so far. You actually have to believe what you’re telling yourself in order for it to work.

I have a very lofty goal ahead of me. A goal I have successfully dodged for the better part of 4 yrs. A goal which I know will take a lot of effort, time and of course money. It will have drastic effects on me physically, mentally and emotionally as well as directly and indirectly affecting my wife and family. A goal which I am well aware of is impossible for some, attainable for others, and down right difficult to achieve. It’s a goal that will be one of the more, if not the most, challenging things I will do in my life.

What is this goal? Well I wrote it down like all goals should:

Whew…

OK. I had to catch my breath there. That’s the first time I’ve made that public. Officially. OK. First time I’ve made it public to my Social Media family.

My family, friends, and co-workers of course have known for quite some time, but man! Putting this out there makes it so much more real.

I have tossed around anesthetist school for a long time. I first had an interest in nursing school, and during my short time as a nurse my interest has waxed and waned, until these past 2 years.

I consciously made the effort and made the first steps to complete this goal last year. As you may already have read, or remember, I have a Bachelor’s degree. I have a Bachelor’s in Exercise and Sport Science. Unfortunately for most Nurse Anesthesia programs, having anything other than a BSN simply doesn’t qualify.

Yes, they will tell you that there are ‘other’ options, and you can ‘get started’ with entrance into their School’s Master’s program, but all it really boils down to is you are still going to need to have the upper level Bachelor’s of Nursing classes before you can enter or even qualify for entrance.

And some programs won’t even continue their conversation with you once they learn you don’t have a BSN.

I have learned this the hard way.

A year ago I took my GRE‘s in the hopes that with my current degree I could gain entrance into the only school that WOULD talk with me. Those hopes were of course shot down.

So this past spring I made the decision to shoot for my BSN. I am currently 2 semesters away from that golden crown.

Prior planning is paramount in paving your road to higher education. I knew that even though my graduation date was not till May of 2010 I needed to start planning my attack for Anesthesia school. Luck would have it that one of the programs I was interested in had an application deadline of August 1st 2009. Uhh…. Yeah. That would be a week ago.

I discovered this little piece of info roughly the 3rd week in July! But… thanks to the powers that be and some awesome references and some good ole’ fashion leg-work I was able to get my full application with all the trimmings submitted on time. In fact I had it done almost a week ahead of schedule.

Well it all came crashing down yesterday when I received a phone call from the school. I originally got super-excited when I listened to the voice message. I thought ‘wholly cow! They are already calling me! It’s gotta be good news!’

Of course it wasn’t the good news I was expecting. The short version is that I did not meet their qualifications, and basically I was going to have to wait till the following year to apply for entrance. The details are mind numbing so I’ll spare you.

So I was devastated. I know, I know, it’s not the end of the world. But for me, I had built this up as the end-all-be-all. I had already pictured myself at the school. Already making my plans for starting classes, etc.

So I spent today reviewing, researching, and talking with other programs of interest to be sure all my ducks were in a row, all my I’s were dotted, and all my T’s were crossed.

I must admit, putting my goal out there for all to read makes it so much more real now. Yep, I’m a tad nervous now that you know. But, I’m also glad.

Don’t worry, I’ll be chronicling my journey towards my high hopes and barely reachable goal.

Yesterday I got knocked down. Today I got back up and took the bull by the horns. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Image Source: Diprivan-us.com

OK folks let’s get something straight.

I know you’ve probably heard once or twice about Michael Jackson’s death and the involvement of the powerful sedative anesthesia drug Diprivan (Propofol). -Powerful sedative found in Michael Jackson’s home – Yahoo! News.

Here’s what’s disturbing and baffling.

This drug is not for home use. It delivered by intravenous infusion, you cannot take a Diprivan pill. It’s not for ANY use outside of the anesthesia or critical care medicine arena. It’s a potent, powerful and extremely dangerous drug used for light or heavy sedation that does cause amnesia, both Retrograde and Anterograde. Its use is extremely intricate, which requires a great deal of knowledge, skill and training. Using it involves greatly predictable effects and side effects which requires continuous vital sign monitoring.

I won’t describe all it’s avenue’s of use. I will however tell you what it’s not used for.

I’ll say this just once : IT IS NOT USED FOR INSOMNIA

The presence of this substance in ANYONE’S home, albeit a celebrity, speaks volumes of questionable action.

My sympathies for any and all who are involved in this horrible scene.

Carpe Diem